Being Alone

I have always thought of myself as pretty independent. I’ve always liked to march to the beat of my own drum. But I have recently realized I’m not as independent as I used to be or I would like to be. 

In college, my freshman year, being independent also meant being alone. I no longer had my parents and twin brother around all the time. I was trying to make friends and adjust to college. I didn’t like being alone. Or being alone in public. So, I spent a ton of time in my dorm room doing homework. My poor roommate! Sorry B, if you are reading this.

But eventually I got over my fear of being alone in public and started eating lunch and breakfast alone if I didn’t have a friend to meet up with. And it didn’t feel weird to be alone.

I quickly felt more and more independent.

 

My junior year, I started dating my current boyfriend. This is no knock to him or our relationship, but I rely a lot on him (as I’m sure a lot of couples do). He’s always there to answer my texts when I’m doing something alone or if I see something funny, I’ll shoot him a text, so I never feel truly alone. Or even in college he was always someone to eat with. 

 

So honestly, I really forgot how to be alone. And don’t get me wrong not being alone is great but I forgot the importance of doing things alone.

 

Recently, I realized I was nervous to do things alone, like how I was nervous when I was a freshman in college. I also noticed that I was always so impressed with my friends when they would tell me about the cool bars they went to ALONE! Single girls out in the wild of NYC alone!!! I was so impressed, and I remember telling them how brave I thought they were. They never felt that they were being brave for doing things by themselves, they just wanted to do certain things and didn’t have anyone to go with but themselves, so they took themselves out on dates.

 

On a whim, while I was in desperate need for a new podcast to listen to, I started listening to Fun on Weekdays. The host reminded me of the power of being alone and how important it is to do fun things by yourself. Whether that be take a walk (which I do regularly), take yourself out for lunch, go get a coffee (which I don’t drink) or go shopping by yourself.

 

Don’t get me wrong, all those things are fun to do with friends, but there is also nothing wrong with doing them by yourself.

 

So, I’ve been slowly trying to do more things alone and be more comfortable doing things with me, myself and I.

 

And I mean like really alone like no music or podcasts or phone calls to your friends or mom.

 

I started going to Pilates classes by myself every week. 

 

I was even invited last minute to a black-tie gala for work. Alex didn’t have time to get a tux, I only had 4 hours to get home to Long Island, change and get back to the city. So I went by myself and I felt okay. I was nervous to be by myself but once my coworkers got there, it wasn’t so bad, even if I showed up by myself.

 

Maybe this post is silly, but I’ve realized how important it is to spend time with yourself. 

Because at the end of the day, regardless of your partner or whoever you spend your life with, you will ultimately be with yourself the longest alone, so you might as well learn to love being alone and love things you can do alone.

 

I know I am not alone (all puns intended) when I say that doing things by yourself can be scary and uncomfortable. Because you fear that someone is going to judge you, but really no one cares.

 

I challenge you to take yourself out to lunch or coffee and sit alone and learn to love being by yourself.

 

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